16 Unhinged things you should definitely not teach your canine child

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Laurent Shinar • Writer and Editor
Jul 2, 2026 9:00 AM EDT

We pawrents spend so much time training our doggos to do all the things they need to in order to get by in the hooman world that we often furget that there are several things we should be keeping watch for that we should not be teaching our pawdorable puppers.

Usually Reddit's r/dogs subreddit is full of sweet and wholesome doggo stories and pics. But when I stumbled upon a thread posted by pawrents talking about the outlandish things they have inadvertently or on purpose taught their fur babies to do, I knew I had to step in and make sure that such heinous albeit hilarious behaviors are not being taught to other doggos. After all, the canine community is hanging onto decorum and diplomacy by a thread, one small outburst can bring the whole thing toppling down, turning it into canine chaos.

So I'd like you to take a look at your pawrenting style for a moment and think to yourself 'is there anything unhinged that I have mistakenly taught my dog?', because these things often happen subliminally, much in the same way that we come up with peculiar nicknames for our doggos. And with that we leave you to pal around with the pawrents and puppers who believe that stealing is ok so long as it's done by a dog, that calling your dog by the name 'bad boy' until it sticks is a good idea, or that it is reasonable to hum the jaws theme some for your dog anytime they see a squirrel. Seriously, do not do these things, please, for all of us. 
 

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  • 01
    When we go to the local park, I often will say to my dog 'what children are we going to eat today Leo?'
    via ZhenHen
  • 02
    mrgoodshoes Our command for "Go to this person" is to shout "EAT HIM/HER" while pointing dramatically. Her response is to run at full speed to the person and try to play with them or lick them forever. To those not
    via ZhenHen

  • Well, yeah, having raised a dog, dog sat for several dog children and worked in shelters, I can honestly say that I have never heard of someone teaching their dog to go forth and actively eat someone. Even if it is just in jest. That is a whole heap of problems not just for the terrified people who have to watch a dog manically run towards them after being given such a command, but also for the potential puppers of said people who might think their darling pawrent is about to be accosted. No one needs a dog fight over a joke now do they?
     

  • 03
    in the know, seeing a beagle get commanded to eat someone and then seemingly comply is somewhat distressing. For obvious reasons, we rarely do thsi on public.
    via ZhenHen
  • 04
    jumpinapuddle_8 When we go to the local park, I often will say to my dog "what children are we going to eat today Leo?" Lol
    via ZhenHen
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10642205184
    via bernardbodo via Adobe Stock

    Man walking white dog in park during Autumn. Represented by models.

  • 06
    pimpvibes1 My 60lb dog jumps on me and whines like crazy when I come home and when she's excited. I also carry her like a baby when she's lazy & she loves every minute of it. It's part of our routine and we both love it.
    via ZhenHen
  • 07
    Advanced-Sky Feed him from my plate and I have a retractable lead
    via ZhenHen
  • 08
    WingsofRain Sometimes I call my female dog some rude names, like Bch (even though it's politically correct), but I always make sure to say it in a sweet tone and give her lots of pets when I do so. "Who's my little bh? You are!" commence massive amounts of pats and ear flops
    via ZhenHen
  • 09
    ninebanded 40 years ago my first greyhound was a not neutered and was impressively male. If someone entered the room when he was laying on his side, he would submissively
    via ZhenHen

  • In this world that has undergone significant changes thanks to inappropriate acts being committed in the workplace, and well, pretty much every other place, this simply would not fly if it had taken place in our modern day. I cannot imagine the shock horror amongst this man’s gen z offspring when they would be faced with such a disturbing combination of actions all at once. Then again it would be kind of fun to turn around immediately and say ‘You’re fired for gross misconduct, leave your bone and bowl at the door on your way out!’.
     

  • 10
    raise a hind leg revealing his glory. My mother, who we called HR, hated this. So, I taught him to raise that leg when I said, "Say 'Hello' to HR."
    via ZhenHen
  • 11
    lovememaddly I live in a cul-de-sac and let my dog free to chase bunnies in my and my neighbors yards. No cars ever drive down our road after 7pm, so I let him hunt every evening.
    via ZhenHen
  • 12
    3 [deleted] 6y ago We say things like "I'm so mad I could bat the puppies" and proceed to pretend to throw p .es while making "psh psh psh" sounds.
    via ZhenHen
  • 13
    They nom our fists and bark and think it's great fun. They wiggle when we say "beat the puppies". I worry someone will call the SPCA on me one day.
    via ZhenHen
  • 14
    drouoa I've never tried to train my dog (shih tzu mix) out of stealing stuff. She steals pants, towels, socks, stuffed animals, plastic bags, she once stole a necklace that fell off while I was petting
    via ZhenHen
  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10642204672
    via Lazy_Bear via Adobe Stock

    Terrier stealing slice of pizza from pizza box. Represented by model.

  • 16
    her. She doesn't try to eat/destroy anything. She just likes to have our things to snuggle (until we take them back).
    via ZhenHen
  • 17
    [deleted] My husband yells that he's a "bad boy" so often as a joke that he now responds positively to it. He subsequently gets called a "stupid dog" in the most loving tone. If he could understand words, he'd be so confused!
    via ZhenHen
  • 18
    Haminator5000 My partner and I have taken to calling our 10 wk old pupper a t >rist. So named because he is abb of organic waste just waiting to go off. We're working on potty training but I think the nickname will stick.
    via ZhenHen
  • 19
    HopefulLake5155 I don't call her by her name. I call her dog We go to the dog park everyday. I don't ever shut her in her cage. She roams free when I'm not home
    via ZhenHen
  • 20
    Cheezburger Image 10642204928
    via Михаил Решетников via Adobe Stock

    Jack Russell walking in park looking confused. Represented by model.

  • 21
    Remmerue37 We taught our dog "Dracarys" in college and he would bark like a psycho. For a 75lb German Shepard, it could be pretty intimidating.
    via ZhenHen
  • 22
    thatgeekinit Her Royal Houndnes... I hum the theme music from Jaws when Dixie is approaching a squirrel.
    via ZhenHen
  • 23
    kayaem When my partner or I get up to go give any pet in the house some attention we say "I'm gonna go bt up insert pet name here"
    via ZhenHen
  • 24
    Quintonius-the-Great ⚫ My neighbors let their female dog.. mate.. with their leg. This is not okay.
    via ZhenHen

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